Trenton, NJ – In a move that surprised absolutely no one, former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has vehemently denied circulating rumors that he has embarked on a hunger strike following President Trump’s recent electoral victory.
“Hunger strike? Please,” Christie scoffed, emerging from a local Krispy Kreme with a box of assorted doughnuts. “The only thing I’m striking is a match to light my barbecue.”
Eyewitnesses report that Christie was seen at the doughnut establishment, engaging in what appeared to be a heartfelt reunion with a dozen glazed confections. “He looked like a kid in a candy store,” said one patron. “Or, more accurately, a politician in a doughnut shop.”
Despite his current hiatus from the political limelight, Christie remains optimistic about his future prospects. “I’m planning to continue my residency in the political void of irrelevance for the next four years,” he stated confidently. “But come 2028, I’ll be back, and America will be ready for a leader who knows his way around a buffet.”
Political analysts are divided on Christie’s strategy. Some believe his commitment to culinary diplomacy could endear him to voters seeking a relatable candidate. Others suggest that his approach might be a tough sell in an era where fitness challenges dominate social media.
In the meantime, Christie has announced plans to embark on a nationwide tour of America’s finest eateries, under the banner “Calories for a Cause.” When asked about the cause in question, he replied, “My happiness. And maybe a 2028 campaign fund.”
As the nation digests the outcome of the recent election, one thing is clear: Chris Christie is not on a hunger strike. If anything, he’s on a hunger spree.
