Washington, D.C. – In what is being hailed as the most uniquely American immigration policy to date, former Trump Homeland Security Director Tom Homan has revealed the heartwarming origins of his latest initiative: giving every deported migrant family a McDonald’s Happy Meal for each child joining them on their way out of the country.
“This idea comes straight from the heart—and the stomach—of our 45th president,” Homan explained, referencing Donald Trump’s well-documented love of McDonald’s. “If it’s good enough for President Trump, it’s good enough for families heading back to their home countries.”
According to Homan, the plan is a “win-win” for all involved. “We’re keeping our borders secure and spreading the joy of McDonald’s globally,” he said, casually nibbling on a Filet-O-Fish during the press conference. “After all, nothing says compassion like a free cheeseburger.”
The Happy Meal policy includes a toy, hand-selected by Homeland Security staff to ensure quality and nostalgia. “We wanted the toys to remind these families that America is still the land of opportunity,” Homan said. “So, we’re sticking to classics—like Monopoly pieces or Trump-brand action figures.”
Critics were quick to point out the absurdity of the gesture, accusing Homan of trivializing the hardships faced by deported families. But Homan brushed off the backlash. “Look, we could’ve given out kale salads,” he retorted. “But that’s not the America Trump envisioned.”
He also hinted at future upgrades to the program, such as a “Big Mac Bonus” for families with multiple children and the possibility of including a McFlurry voucher—pending ice cream machine functionality.
Meanwhile, McDonald’s has expressed cautious enthusiasm for the partnership. “We’re proud to provide comfort in difficult times,” a company spokesperson said. “Although we’d like to clarify that McDonald’s does not officially endorse immigration enforcement policy. We’re just here for the fries.”
Political analysts are divided over the move, with some praising its innovative appeal and others noting its blatant pandering. “If this doesn’t make the campaign trail as ‘humanitarian reform,’ I’ll eat a 20-piece nugget in one sitting,” joked one strategist.
In a final nod to Trump’s fast-food fandom, Homan confirmed that the initiative’s motto will be: “I’m Deportin’ It.”
