Biden administration unveils stimulus check carpet bombing delivery platform

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WASHINGTON, DC –  The administration today said after a test run in Syria, Joe Biden is now ready to deliver the next round of COVID-19 stimulus checks by carpet-bombing American cities with $1,400 stimulus checks written out to “Cash”.

“After a successful test run in Syria last night of our new policy dispersal system, the President is confident he can get the next stimulus checks into the hands of Americans who need them most,” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said in a press conference today.  “The new delivery system also gives our Air Force pilots who were grounded unfairly during the Trump administration to practice bombing runs being planned right now by the President.”

Biden said today if Congress can’t agree on the amount of the stimulus check, “There are 20,000 National Guard troops outside that fence that can help you folks come to an agreement.”

White House staffers reported Biden was walking around the White House today wearing warpaint on his face as he prepared to meet via Zoom with foreign leaders after l

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