WASHINGTON, D.C. – A federal inquiry has been launched to determine whether or not Democrats are Americans or not. It has long been the impression from many Americans that people who identify themselves with the Democrat party are in fact, not really Americans.
“We have this huge population of people live in our country who are citizens of America, but our focus will be to determine whether or not they are actually Americans,” one investigator who wished to remain anonymous said in an email. “We believe we have overwhelming evidence to prove that Democrats not only are not Americans, but they hate America and everything associated with it.”
Over the past few years, the rising anti-American sentiment from the party has raised more than a few eyebrows.
“They hate our country. They hate our troops. They hate our flag. Heck, they even hate our oil,” said Jeff Dobbs, one of the people who petitioned the federal government to launch the investigation. “They’d rather buy gas made in Russia or Saudi Arabia, somethin’s not right with them.”
Investigators have reported sales of baseball game tickets, apple pies and Budweiser are considerably lower in Democrat majority cities than they are in Republican majority cities.