WASHINGTON, DC – White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki today said that her suggestion for Americans to take kickboxing classes to relieve pandemic and economic stress. After a few hours, moms across America said they were having difficulty finding classes.
“I Googled it,” Mary from Springfield said. “There’s no more kickboxing locations in my town, the pandemic put them all out of business.”
Psaki’s inbox flooded this morning with people telling her most kickboxing businesses went out of business during the two-year-long pandemic that forced many gyms and martial arts businesses into bankruptcy.
Circling back, Psaki offered new advice.
“If your problems are that bad, you can always start shooting up. The supply of heroin and fentanyl coming across our border are at record levels and you won’t find any supply chain issues,” Psaki said. “Heroin and fentanyl shelves are fully stocked across America. It’s a great way to help you through these difficult times.”
Psaki added, “There’s nothing to see here in Washington. Turn your tv off, put down your phone and relax…all of these problems will vanish in minutes.”
