In a world forever altered by the pandemic, one unexpected perk has emerged: the art of snagging Black Friday deals without being flattened like a department store welcome mat.
Thanks to the rise of online shopping, curbside pickup, and perhaps a collective loss of enthusiasm for wrestling strangers over discounted TVs, the once-chaotic holiday has become a surprisingly peaceful affair.
“No one shoved me into a display of blenders this year,” reported Karen Miller, a veteran Black Friday shopper. “It was unsettling, but in a good way. I didn’t even have to wear elbow pads or practice my pre-dawn sprints.”
Retailers have leaned into this new era by promoting their deals weeks in advance, creating an atmosphere of calculated bargain hunting rather than gladiatorial combat in the electronics aisle. “It’s like we’re finally evolving as a species,” said one shopper, who reported scoring a half-price air fryer from the comfort of her couch.
For some, however, the quieter Black Friday lacks the primal thrill. “I kind of miss the adrenaline rush,” admitted Dave Johnson, who used to camp outside big-box stores in full-body padding. “But then again, I don’t miss the broken ribs. So, there’s that.”
Experts predict that the post-pandemic retail landscape could forever change how Americans approach Black Friday. “Why fight for a discounted vacuum when it’s just a click away?” said retail analyst Linda Chang. “Although,” she added, “we wouldn’t be surprised if some people start trampling their own Wi-Fi routers out of nostalgia.”
What was once a blood sport has now become mundane and boring.
“I used to love the adrenalin rush, pushing grandmas out of the way, and fighting young moms for the last xbox or PlayStation console,” said Jeff, a 45-year-old plumber. “I never actually bought the stuff, I was just there for the sport.”
