WILMINGTON, DE – A new poll by a major research institute with a sampling of 250 inner-city children who regularly use community swimming pools reveals that 100% of those children don’t really care about the creepy white man’s blonde leg hair.
Every child polled in the study said never once had they thought about touching the man’s blonde hair, nor were they even remotely interested in how it sprang back up. The children also unanimously responded to having never jumped on the white man’s lap or ever being slightly interested whatsoever in jumping on his lap, no matter how much he told them he’d love for them to jump on his lap.
During the poll, researchers said that 86% of the random sampling of phone calls were interrupted by irate parents who threatened to call the cops on the poll takers if they called their home and spoke to their children ever again.
“We have been conducting polls for five decades and this is the first time there was absolutely no margin of error and that with confidence we can say our 100% results are both scientific and definitive,” Gloria Masterson, the lead researcher said of the poll’s potential margin of error.
