WASHINGTON, DC – After scouting the multiple busloads of migrants that have arrived in D.C. over the past few weeks, Washington Nationals’ General Manager Mike Rizzo got on the horn today with Martha’s Vineyard to see if any of their recent arrivals could throw a baseball.
“Surely, there must be one ball player in the lot,” Rizzo asked the Martha’s Vineyard Commissioner’s Office today. “Most of our competitor’s best arms are from Central and South America.”
The Washington Nationals are a dismal 50-94 this season with a team earned run average of 5.06.
Rizzo complained about his starting pitchers and bullpen, which have been the worst in the entire league this season.
“I gotta do something or else we’ll lose a 100 before you know,” he was heard complaining. “Just go out and throw a bunch of baseballs into the bunch. Send me the first two guys who pick them up.”