White House says new child immigrant cages will be socially distanced

2 mins read

For those in America worried about the Biden administration’s decision to start putting immigrant children back into cages at separation facilities, White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki said you can rest easy, social distancing will be implemented.

“We have made major upgrades at the facility once used by the Obama administration to pack children into cages,” Psaki said.  “You can sleep easy tonight knowing the new cages are socially distanced six feet apart and in the weeks and months children will spend in those cages, their contact with other children and human beings will be limited to just 15 minutes per day.”

“The health and safety of these children is of utmost importance,” Psaki said

Psaki said the children will be required to wear their double-layers of PPE face mask protection at all times while inside their cages to prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus. In order to avoid exposure to the virus, facility workers will slide three meal trays through 4-inch slots at the bottom of the cages for the safety of the children.

Every other day, children will be lined up and washed thoroughly with firehouses provided by the local volunteer fire departments.

“The safety of these children is our priority as we process these children out of cages and pair them with a suitable low-income foster family who needs that extra state check each month to make ends meet,” Psaki said.

Psaki also noted the facility now has a viewing platform for members of Congress to come out and express fake rage over the facility in a more convenient manner.

“In the past, members of congress would sit outside the parking lot and weep, but it’s our administration’s policy to make sure that they can now get more accurate photos they can use in their next Instagram or Twitter posts,” she said. “We even included what are actually called inhalation access ports, but the President likes to call them ‘sniffaroo thingies’, so he can personally sniff the children in a socially distanced, but still probably not, socially acceptable manner.”



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