Happily Retiring Army Soldier Wishes He Joined the Marines and Quit after Four Years of Frustration

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After a rewarding twenty-five-year career in the U.S. Army, Master Sargeant William Johnson wonders what life would have been like if he had just joined the Marines out of high school.

Johnson feels like he could have served four frustrating years in the Marines getting screwed by the green weenie on a daily basis, and moved on with his life like most Marines. Instead, he chose the army and served a full career without constant fuck-fuck games and endless days of hurrying up and waiting.

Johnson, a veteran who will soon be retiring from the Army after two decades of service, all while harboring deep regrets about the road not taken – the treacherous path of the Few, the Proud, and the Eagerly Frustrated.

Johnson’s revelation has left friends, family, and fellow veterans scratching their heads in disbelief. Who, in their right mind, would choose the grueling Marine Corps frustrations over the relative comforts of an established Army career?

“I just can’t shake the feeling that I missed out on something really shitty and frustrating in life,” Colonel Johnson declared, wistfully staring at his shadow-box filled with Army memorabilia. “If only I had opted for the Marines, I’d be happily retired after four years of glorious frustration rather than the ‘long haul’ of 26 years in the Army. Who knows I might also have knee problems and be an alcoholic right now.”

Fellow veterans are baffled by his strange desire, trying to wrap their heads around the concept of willingly signing up for a shorter but seemingly more tormenting career.

“We all faced our fair share of challenges in the Army, but to wish for four years of Marine-style agony and fuckery is simply unfathomable,” said Master Sergeant Smith, shaking his head with a mixture of pity and bewilderment.

Conversely, the Marines can’t help but gloat a little over their newfound appeal to Johnson.

“He surely would have gotten the fuck out after serving four years as a terminal lance in an infantry company in the Marines,” said USMC recruiter Dwayne Larson. “He definitely would have left after four years with no real job experience applicable to the outside world.”

Lance Corporal Ryan Jacobson said he could relate to Johnson’s end of career thoughts.

“I mean shit, other than drawing dicks on latrine walls and being yelled at for stupid shit all day, I’m just counting down my days to EAS,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong…waking up at 0400 and waiting in formation for five hours before the exercise isn’t as bad as it sounds, but I’m fuckin’ outta here in November and I’m not looking back.”

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